I’ve started thinking about this because of some online discussions I’ve gotten involved in recently. This is just about how I feel about mixing love and spanking and how I got to this point.

For me, it’s not just about being spanked; it’s about the whole relationship I’m in. It’s about the man I’m being spanked by, the way we feel about each other, the security of being with someone who knows what I need, giving myself and my submission to him – it’s the whole enchilada.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good spanking, I just like it better when it’s flavored with love. It doesn’t matter if it’s for play, maintenance, stress-relief, or actual correction as long as the love is there.

When I was younger I was happy engaging in casual spanking and dated as I pleased. As I became more experienced in life and love, I realized I wanted more. Being kinky is fun and I learned a lot from the men I was involved with, but it was like I was getting just a taste of what was possible.

I knew what I wanted but I wasn’t sure such a thing could actually work. I’ve always been a modern woman who enjoyed being strong and capable in my day-to-day activities. I knew some people would think I was betraying feminism by saying I wanted to give a man the upper hand in a relationship. In my opinion, the freedom to choose my own course is exactly what those who fought for women’s rights were fighting for. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but it was what I really wanted for myself.

I wanted a strong man who could dominate me without suppressing me. I didn’t want a bully or an abuser who would ignore my opinions or needs. It wasn’t about giving up my identity for someone else’s. It was about finding the right person whom I could love and trust enough to give my gift of submission to. That man would have to earn it though, it wasn’t going to be easy. And somewhere in that formula, a large dose of fun and kink had to be mixed in. I wanted what seemed to be an impossible dream.

It wasn’t until I started exploring on the internet that I found people of like mind. I found people I could discuss this with and I grew more comfortable with my dream. I knew it wouldn’t be easy even in that group to find the right one for love, so I just enjoyed myself and waited.

There are lots of spankos out there and I learned a lot. Some like only fun spankings or only discipline spankings. Some people have spanking relationships with people who aren’t their significant other. Some like light spanking and some like it hard. There’s a huge diversity of spankos out there. I’m still amazed and interested in how other people interact in this spanko world of ours. For me, it is to each his own and I’m happy when they find it.

I know I got lucky when I found Dan. He’s the right mix of fun and dominance for me and we’ve developed a wonderful relationship full of love and kink. It gets better all the time and we’re still working on it. That’s natural though and I’m happy for the growth. Not to mention thankful…very thankful.