Spanking Bethie

All about my spankings and my love


Mixing Spanking and Love

I’ve started thinking about this because of some online discussions I’ve gotten involved in recently. This is just about how I feel about mixing love and spanking and how I got to this point.

For me, it’s not just about being spanked; it’s about the whole relationship I’m in. It’s about the man I’m being spanked by, the way we feel about each other, the security of being with someone who knows what I need, giving myself and my submission to him – it’s the whole enchilada.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good spanking, I just like it better when it’s flavored with love. It doesn’t matter if it’s for play, maintenance, stress-relief, or actual correction as long as the love is there.

When I was younger I was happy engaging in casual spanking and dated as I pleased. As I became more experienced in life and love, I realized I wanted more. Being kinky is fun and I learned a lot from the men I was involved with, but it was like I was getting just a taste of what was possible.

I knew what I wanted but I wasn’t sure such a thing could actually work. I’ve always been a modern woman who enjoyed being strong and capable in my day-to-day activities. I knew some people would think I was betraying feminism by saying I wanted to give a man the upper hand in a relationship. In my opinion, the freedom to choose my own course is exactly what those who fought for women’s rights were fighting for. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but it was what I really wanted for myself.

I wanted a strong man who could dominate me without suppressing me. I didn’t want a bully or an abuser who would ignore my opinions or needs. It wasn’t about giving up my identity for someone else’s. It was about finding the right person whom I could love and trust enough to give my gift of submission to. That man would have to earn it though, it wasn’t going to be easy. And somewhere in that formula, a large dose of fun and kink had to be mixed in. I wanted what seemed to be an impossible dream.

It wasn’t until I started exploring on the internet that I found people of like mind. I found people I could discuss this with and I grew more comfortable with my dream. I knew it wouldn’t be easy even in that group to find the right one for love, so I just enjoyed myself and waited.

There are lots of spankos out there and I learned a lot. Some like only fun spankings or only discipline spankings. Some people have spanking relationships with people who aren’t their significant other. Some like light spanking and some like it hard. There’s a huge diversity of spankos out there. I’m still amazed and interested in how other people interact in this spanko world of ours. For me, it is to each his own and I’m happy when they find it.

I know I got lucky when I found Dan. He’s the right mix of fun and dominance for me and we’ve developed a wonderful relationship full of love and kink. It gets better all the time and we’re still working on it. That’s natural though and I’m happy for the growth. Not to mention thankful…very thankful.

Filed under: Blog entries — Bethie @ 11:24 pm
Comments (4)


  1. Bethie,i just read your letter about u finding dan.I just met a woman who has a deeprooted spank need,she trusted in me and is telling me all in the short time ive known her.3 days,she sounds so much like u.Shes all woman,like a doll and gets beyond horny when telling me of her wishes……….we’ve only kissed deeply upon our first meeting…i can tell shes a sleeping cougar,so hot…..shes pretty much picked me as the one to open her up with,she wants to come to my house tomm….we’re very attracted to oneanother..any advice?,,,Jim

    Comment by jim — 12/18/2004 @ 4:51 pm

  2. Wow, do I ever relate to this post!

    I too just want different things in different settings — when I’m living in the outside world one thing, and with my man, another — in some regards.

    Plus, it’s so great for me to hear you praise all the things that those who worked so hard and so long for women’s rights have accomplished. All that is really important and beautiful to me, and I am so very grateful for it. It’s why I got to go to school where I did and got to work where I did, etc.

    The fact that I want my man to take me over his knee any time he wants DOESN’T change any of that. Others may think differently, but I don’t — again, I agree with you, if women have power (which of course we do), that power includes the power to choose — and I choose a relationship with a dominant man who’s gonna spank me whenever he wants.

    I was lucky enough to stumble into one of these relationships, but things didn’t work out and I’m now in a place where I need to start again. You write:

    “It wasn’t until I started exploring on the internet that I found people of like mind. I found people I could discuss this with and I grew more comfortable with my dream. I knew it wouldn’t be easy even in that group to find the right one for love, so I just enjoyed myself and waited.”

    I love the internet, and I’ve connected with some like-minded e-friends, but still haven’t found my guy. Bethie, would you please share some of the sites that helped you find the right guy for you? Everyone has a different perspective, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

    Thanks for a great blog,


    Comment by Eva — 12/20/2004 @ 5:21 pm

  3. Jim, sorry, I don’t feel comfortable about answering your question. I don’t know either of you so I don’t think I could be of much help.

    Eva, Spanking Classics (linked in the side menu) and other spanking discussion boards are good places to start meeting people in the spanking community. I met Dan at Classics where we started as cyber friends.

    Also, read other spanko blogs and keep an eye open for information on groups that might be in your area. Good luck!

    Comment by Bethie — 12/22/2004 @ 11:02 pm

  4. Hi Bethie — thanks for the tips! I’d found a bunch of other places, but hadn’t known about Spanking Classics til you mentioned them — what a cool site. Just goes to show ya, the net is a big place — i appreciate your help.

    Anyway, wishing you a happy new year and thanks again for a great blog,


    Comment by Eva — 1/4/2005 @ 5:43 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time. Spanking Den

Powered by WordPress