There really should be a place for evil toys to go when they’ve out lived their usefulness. Dan has this really horrific rubber spatula that I’d like to have melted down and made into something completely harmless if nothing else.

It’s not your average cooking utensil either. He bought it at a gourmet cooking store so it’s a professional quality tool. When Dan applies that thing to my bottom, it not only stings like a thousand bees, it leaves behind a terrible burn – and it’s all concentrated in an area about four inches around.

The other day, Dan surprised me by sneaking it into the lineup during a quickie. As soon as that thing landed on my bottom, I knew exactly which toy he was using. I immediately began yelping and kicking as I tried to make a getaway. Too bad that only made him remember how much he missed the awful thing. Dan *likes* toys that get my attention quickly.

The good thing is he has pity on me where that thing is concerned. He knows it’s evil and tries to dole it out in small doses. Which is wonderful and thoughtful and awfully generous and loving of him. (Yes, I know I’m laying it on thick, but you haven’t met that evil spatula.)

The worst thing about my present situatin is that I thought I was safe because he misplaced it for quite awhile and I’d hoped he’d forgotten about it. I darn sure wasn’t going to bring it up. But then he stumbled across it and could barely contain his glee.

I didn’t even bother trying to hide my horror at seeing that nasty thing again. Heck, I barely managed not to jump up and try to wrestle him for it. That only reason I managed to hold back was because my bottom was already trying to back away and I had to go with it.

I’ve been plotting the evil one’s demise but part of me (my bottom) is afraid of what Dan will replace it with. I doubt there’s anything worse but I’m not sure I’m ready to take that chance yet.

I’m even considering trying to convert it into a true cooking utensil but that would mean I’d actually have to go into the kitchen and seriously cook something. I’m not sure I’m ready to go that far just yet. I wonder, does making Rice Krispie treats count as real cooking?